Posted by admin | Posted in archery | Posted on 10-09-2010
Tags: string tamer, string tamer g2, string tamer installation, string tamer jr, string tamer senior
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Hunting Laptops On The Free Market
I was tidying up the attic yesterday when I made an amazing and surprising find. Inside a rotting shoe box, under a dusty stack of FHM magazines, I found a mysterious manuscript bound with a simple dressing gown cord and a few paperclips for extra stability.
As I carefully unfolded the dusty bundle I made a brief scan of the Comic Sans print out and realised something truly unbelievable - what I had in my hands was from the days of web 1.0! Stunned with awe I carefully attempted to read the full script, but without the reassuring backlight of my Apple iPad the task was annoyingly tricky.
With the help of a team of blind monks I have now successfully analysed the parchment and can reveal that it dates as far back as possibly 2008 and is the diary of an average 21st Century man, detailing his exploits as he tries to investigate a decent laptop. Working day and night I have successfully transcribed the fascinating account onto my computer and here, exclusively, I can bring you fascinating excerpts from this forgotten treasure:
Monday, Friday, January 18, 2008
Today might as well have been Friday the thirteenth considering how dreadful it's been. Went to university in the cold and rain, came home in the cold and rain. As I was crossing Albert Bridge I thought I saw a insane clown wielding a bunch of stinging nettles looming towards me through the downpour. As I ran for my life I tripped over a patch of hard air and my laptop went flying over the side into the grey river water. Lying in the road, having just thrown two-year's worth of work into a watery grave, I looked up to see my would-be assailant was merely a old lady in a duck costume carrying a ventriloquist dummy shaped like Melvin Bragg.
When I got home we were out of milk, must remember to buy some. Guess I'm going to have to spend my weekend getting a new laptop then. At least I smell nice.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
I was all set to leave the house and embark on a spot of laptop shopping this morning and was just studying the A to Z to find the best way to my local shopping centre (I may have walked it hundreds of times, but one can never be sure) when I noticed a spelling error in the labelling of nearby Penomenomesophylcapple Row. Well, you can imagine my horror. I immediately realised that is was my duty to assess the entire atlas in search of errors, document them and send a comprehensive missive to the publishers. At 2am I finished my task and returned to bed, there were only two mistakes, including a picture of a goldfish wearing an eyepatch in place of Westminster cathedral, but I think the public will benefit greatly from this correction.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Came exceedingly close to buying a brand new laptop today, I made it to the High Street and everything. Unfortunately by that stage I was bleeding quite seriously from the bites round my elbow from the badger I'd annoyed when I accidentally stood on it's whiskers whilst hiding in the bushes from a particularly aggressive park warden. Also, the shop was closed. Went back to bed after a brief visit to Accident and Emergency.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Went online and bought a laptop, LCD TV and extra laptop memory from Ebuyer.
An extraordinary tale, I think you'll agree. I'm heading to a private collector now who has expressed interest in my finding as part of an exhibition on diaries of liars.
String Dampeners